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Where I belong. I didn't where I belonged anymore. Ididn't know if I could do this, this was too much. I knew that I wasBrian for most of my life, but ever since joining the Beta House andbeing changed, becoming something new...I didn't know where I belonged.All those lessons we were taught had been so thrilling and exciting, andI loved the new way I looked and how I was the center of attention. Iloved that I was wanted, that hot attractive people wanted to spend timewith me. I loved that I was now a someone.But could I do THIS? Could I join Lana on my knees in front of this bigcock? What would he say about me if he saw me on campus? What would myfriends think about me?Then I realized my friends were the Cheerbois, and they would be proudof me. I remembered that the Kappa girls described that being hot wouldmake us popular, we'd be talked about. Sure, if news got out I got downand dirty with Tyreke, then that would just make me popular. Morepopular people would want to spend time with. . but I wasn't sure that many would actually go through with it if given the chance. So why was I going through with it?My mind went numb as I remembered the smell of her perfume. That wonderful sent that would soon be with me constantly. Images of her long black hair reaching down just past the arch of her back; those beautiful tan legs closing around me as she shared with me her most intimate moments ... filling me with part of her self ... using me ... in the most degrading way imaginable ... To experience that day after day, for me at least, is worth suffering for ... and even dying for.But for a moment, when the car arrived 5:59pm, I felt that panicked sensation once again. My life is over if I step into that car. My heart raced as it pulled to the curb. I nearly turned around and walked away before I heard his voice. It was Alex. He stepped around from behind the car and opened the door for me."I was afraid you might get cold feet."Alex said with a big smile.My mind went blank.
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